Fear of Discovery, Fear of Separation
Acknowledging the existence of such feelings raises the specter of incest, and when these feelings become so intense that they threaten to cross the line over into the realm of physical and deep emotional involvement, many break off the relationship completely, or limit its scope rather than try to talk about it, says Bossert. Others, according to Canadian adoption therapist Dianne Mathes, can be so overcome by fear of another separation that they too keep silent but, instead of pulling away, may view a sexual relationship as the only way to keep the connection alive.
As with any issue, this needs to be met head-on despite its sensitive nature. It is a natural human desire to be with our own, and it's not at all unusual to react with excessive emotion when experiencing reunion. If you find yourself "falling in love" or sexually attracted to a new-found birth family member, here's what the experts advise:
- Strong feelings of attraction are not abnormal.
- There's nothing wrong with you.
- Recognize the initial excitement for what it is: the first rush and thrill of reunion, and the birth of love for family.
- Remember that relationships take time to develop, and that goes for long-separated birth family members as well. Time will serve to settle the relationship in its proper context.
- Talk to others who have experienced reunion.
- Find a support group whose leader is comfortable talking about the subject.
- Seek counseling from an experienced adoption therapist.
- Reunion-GSA, a support group for members only, to protect privacy
- Genetic Sexual Attraction, Barbara Gonyo's informative Web site
- "Genetic Attraction"
by Bill Bossert, Past President, Oregon Adoptive Rights Association
"Genetic Sexual Attraction", by Barbara Gonyo
Genetic Sexual Attraction, from the Guardian Unlimited
E-mail address: Bud@GeneticAttraction.org
Reunion, reunited sibling, half-brother, half-sister, half brother, half sister